Wisdom - 4 - Energy of Life Dramas

This phase is about learning and recognizing energy exchanges, personal energy awareness and increasing personal power and mastery over oneself by identifying 5 Life Dramas. This Wisdom is the core information about energy exchanges and dynamics of people's interactions.

We had learned in the 2nd Wisdom about emotions and illusionary layers of life's experiences. When we are aware of emotions and the roles they play, we can then transfer and trace that awareness to a variety of causes. This Wisdom introduces the reactionary energy influences within our lives. These principles are also the key building blocks and core issues for the self development exercises which are to follow in the remaining Wisdoms.

Why The Control:
From a psycho-spiritual perspective, control stems from the lack of remembering one's connection to the Universe, one's true being of Unconditional Love. In other words, the pain of subconscious separation manifests as wanting more energy to make up for what is perceived as missing. It also should be noted that the more one feels this sense of separation the more controlling and angry a person is. Their life force may be perceived as dark and may be what is called a "lost soul" in this lifetime. This is merely their "spiritual lesson" to learn as you have your lessons to learn.

Society also influences and parallels the degrees the control is translated into. Behavioral awards of more money, higher job status, better houses, faster cars are material possessions that become spiritual compensations. This is not to say all achievements are due to a person lacking spiritual qualities. However, material items are noted as being spiritual compensations in some situations. For example, there are many high powered business executives and those in authoritative positions who have achieved "it all" and at some time they have an epiphany of a higher spiritual nature: "Who am I? What is life all about? There is more to me than this." Thus, the spiritual awakening begins.

"Life Dramas and Taker Types"
There are people whose main source of power comes from the energy reactions of those around them. Upon further in depth analysis, some people have adapted dual traits to cope with an energy depletion of one drama style. Some "Takers" have learned that if one form doesn't work, another will. "Takers" continuously create reactions as outlined in the following Life Dramas.

Enforcer
Is one who gains control by using physical or verbal force thus obtaining energy by this means. For example: Typical of spousal abuse situations, work force tactics, positions of authority.
Makes one feel bullied, angry, fearful and disgusted.

Criticizer
Gains control by judging and questioning, a criticizing of actions, circumstances and people. For example: A friend, spouse, parent that criticizes your judgment, clothes, actions all the time.
One feels helpless, confused, disoriented, breeds lack of self-esteem, belittled.

Avoider
Gains control by not speaking, avoiding the situation, coy. For example: A complaining friend that does not want to talk about it after bringing it up.
One feels exasperated in communicating, anger and hopelessness.

Complainer
Gains control by wanting pity from others. The person likes to dwell in self-pity and has lack of self-esteem. Nothing is adequate in life. For example: Whining all the time about being sick, lack of money, family members never around etc. Wants things done or brings attention to something by complaining.
One feels pity for person, comforting, "poor thing" syndrome.

Pleaser
Gaining control through accolades in attempting to please everyone or someone. The person may be a perfectionist or domineering because they lack control in other areas of life. Constantly pleasing and doing for others such as: cooking, cleaning, tiptoeing for perfection to the point of self-harm
One feels a sense of duty and guilt by "owing" something to them for all they do.

The following dynamics appears to be prevalent in family relationship where habits, patterns and coping skills are learned from childhood. One can trace the life drama(s) backward to parents, grand parents and great grandparents. This dynamic will be explored more in the 6th Wisdom.

Avoiders create Criticizers

Criticizers create Avoiders

Enforcers create Complainers

Complainers creates Complainers

Pleasers creates Pleasers/All Above

The first four Life Dramas are pretty straight forward however, the Pleasers are one of the more complex and mutable of the Life Dramas. They become the submissive figure in a parental relationship and children typically take on the behavior and life drama of the other parent or if they become masters, become Pleasers themselves. Pleasers assure everything is done perfectly with an unhealthy doting of always doing for others at the risk of dis-ease of mental-emotional discomfort of themselves or others. They extend and overindulge others at the expense of themselves. Sometimes they rule their job, house, family in their self-imposed perfection which is inflicted upon others. Pleasers use their deeds and actions as pre-payment of anything that should arise to keep control over others. This drama style is to gain energy through excessive practice of getting others satisfaction and abnormal sense of self imposed perfection.

Examples would be:
"If I don't keep the house spotless, he/she will leave me."
"If the laundry isn't perfect, he/she will leave me."
"If I don't make more money, he/she will leave me."
"I've done everything for you, and you want to leave!"
"If I do all this for him/her, she'll owe me later"
"My house and everything in it is perfect in every way."

You may think on one level this drama style borders on obsessive-compulsive behaviors, however, the defining line is that Pleasers "choose" to do their actions rather than feel compelled to. For the most part medically speaking, there are no brain disorders or neurological or systemic abnormalities in Pleasers as with those diagnosed with OCD. There is an underlying motivation to their actions whether they are conscious of it or not.

Since pleasers over-indulge others due to their always giving attitude, they may be abused by an unequally energetic person who is more dominant which in turn they gain the energy they need by pleasing.

We should remember that "Takers" may operate on an sub-unconscious level and not know what they are doing, then there are those who do know what they are doing. The focus here is on being aware of the Life Dramas in our lives and own personal power in dealing with them.

The "Takers" get the energy they are needing from others to satisfy what they are lacking. By identifying what type of emotional energy the person is needing and recognizing the signs one can therefore enact a tactic to shift the energy. In this energy circle, one has to realize the attraction of falling into the categories listed above as well recognizing others' energy styles. Once this is realized then you can disengage and reevaluate your position and how You act and react. By understanding how this dynamic works you bring forth the conflict (s) to the conscious mind. Always be aware what is going on and what it is that hooks you into the drama and why you may hook others into yours.

Something to be aware as well, if you are in touch with your body, it will tell you by creating sensations that you are competing for energy. You may feel absolutely drained and tired after a conversation or encounter with a person. Your head or stomach may hurt. You may even be exhibiting some of the same emotions of that person as a "negativity bug". Also working in reverse, you may feel terrific after talking to someone. If this happens, it's not all inclusive of being a "Taker" but it is something to be aware of. The way out of it is to identify what is going on within you and identify your place between interactions.

When encountering those that drain you, it may help to say along the lines of "I feel stuck and confused as well" or "I love you but you keep criticizing me is there anything else that is bothering you?" I have found that when you ask, "what else bothers you?" it immediately diffuses the situation. By doing this you are giving them the attention they need but not giving into it. However, there are limits that one must gracefully exercise.

"Soft Bubble of Light"
An effective method to deal with the 5 Life Drama types is what I would like to call a "Soft Bubble of Light." An example: While talking with aunty, she goes into the "Complainer" attitude that everything is going wrong. Sympathy for the situation is nice, but tactfully changing subjects or focus in a positive manner is a way to neutralize the "Complainer" attitude. Being tactful and graceful on the phone or in person works as well. I've learned a neat little trick when running into people who need that emotional energy. In the mind's eye of compassion, simply surround them in a bubble of soft white light. Accompany this with tactful statements such as "I understand it must be tough. What does Marge think of it?" "Speaking of Ed, how is he doing these days?" "I just ran across the same the thing, it must be catching." Humor and sincerity has a way of magically diffusing any situation and shift the energy considerably.

This technique of a soft bubble light also applies very well to the workplace. For instance, before an interview, while in a meeting, or when the person arrives in the office with any range of emotional attitudes, imagine in your mind the bubble of light around them. If someone is non-cooperative, whining, controlling or angry you will definitely see a change in behavior. Whatever the emotion is in the workplace there is always a root cause. We may not always know what that is, but we can make conscious changes in our own thoughts which translates into actions. Not only are you changing your energetic thought forms, you are also changing the energy around you, which is infectious so to speak.

The "Soft Bubble of Light" seems to satisfy the energy the aura needs and does not come from "you" for it flows freely from the Universe with loving intent to naturally equalize the situation. It works very well! The results are truly amazing. The important thing is that you project loving thoughts toward others therefore sending them positive energy they need, but do not fall into it. Stay centered and be willing to walk away when you get hooked (for example, constantly trying to convince someone). It is important to recognize how the other person wants to control your energy. When you finally realize this, daily interactions will amaze you. You can't help but smile at the wonderful energy the Universe provides when it's sent with the intent of love, understanding and awareness, not anger or fear.

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© 1997-2006 StarStuffs
You may not use this for commercial purposes, and you may not alter, transform or build upon this work. For any reuse or distribution, you must make clear to others the license terms of this work. Any other purpose of use must be granted permission by author. Copyright Disclaimer

Now that we have learned some background information of "Takers" and some awareness and diffusion techniques. It's time got get to work and expand on your personal development notebook. Remember to be honest with yourself!

Criticizer, Enforcer, Avoider, Complainer, Pleaser

Analyzing your place in the Life Dramas:

Which category do you feel you mostly fall under?
Do you see yourself in a second drama, which one?
Which category do you feel you least fall under?
List 5 people you know into the Life Drama categories that you think they fall into.
With each person using key words ask, Why am I bothered when they do that?

Now time to ask the serious questions:
What are my reactions to each person?
Why do I react the way I do?
What from my past has taught me these reactions?
How can I change my reactions and to what will my reactions be?
What do you think the person is lacking in his/her life to make me uncomfortable?
Can I counteract the persons requests, demands, emotions and manipulations in a more positive manner?

Each person has a life history with volumes of experiences. We may not know what motivates a person but, again, it's not about others entirely. We have an opportunity to use our awareness of energy interactions if we choose to. Speaking tactfully and with confidence helps in keeping the energy balanced. I can only change myself - not them.

One part of self empowerment is learning and recognizing energy exchanges, the truly transformative part, and one of the hardest tasks, is changing our reactionary behaviors. Behavioral scientists have recognized it is not what happens to you but how you react to it that determines your mental, emotional, and physical well being. By embarking on this stage of awareness, we increase our personal power by mastering oneself. Since emotions play strong roles in our daily interactions we can train ourselves with positive constructive methods to change our responses to external circumstances.

Parental relationships are mirrored in other in relationships.

Every situation has a message. Recognize synchronicities.

A reactive behavior within the body determines energy levels.

Verbal discomfort. Remember, a told truth that you lived in childhood?

Ask for help. You don't have to solve the situation alone.

Information may be copied, distributed, displayed as long as:
StarStuffs is cited as the author and web address is referenced
© 1997-2006 StarStuffs
You may not use this for commercial purposes, and you may not alter, transform or build upon this work. For any reuse or distribution, you must make clear to others the license terms of this work. Any other purpose of use must be granted permission by author. Copyright Disclaimer