Energy of Life Dramas
This phase is about learning and recognizing energy exchanges, personal energy awareness and increasing personal power and mastery over oneself by identifying 5 Life Dramas. This Wisdom is the core information about energy exchanges and dynamics of people's interactions.
We had learned in the 2nd Wisdom about emotions and illusionary layers of life's experiences. When we are aware of emotions and the roles they play, we can then transfer and trace that awareness to a variety of causes. This Wisdom introduces the reactionary energy influences within our lives. These principles are also the key building blocks and core issues for the self development exercises which are to follow in the remaining Wisdoms.
Why Do We Control?
Life Dramas are viewed as either "functional" or "dysfunctional". In some circles the main goal would be to grossly eradicate the "dysfunction". However, many others believe that discovering the root of the dysfunction is more valuable in restoring a permanent healthy balance. Instead of only treating the symptoms of the dis-ease, the real root cause is found which leads to an opportunity to change the person's perceptions and reactions.
Life Dramas are also based on the concept of "Adult Attachment" which is the emotional relationship between children and parents. Adult relationships are directly reflected from childhood experiences. There is a link between the ethological models of human development and emotional responses and the relation to personality traits and behavior. Attachment styles can change if life experiences are inconsistent with established learned behavior. The variables of attachment styles create a spectrum from a high preponderance of characteristics to minimal or mixed characteristics.
Adult relationships can be reflected in codependency behavior. Partners are chosen that confirm existing beliefs whether positive or negative. Negative relationships create codependency which is a dependence on the needs of or control by another that negatively impact various areas of life. Such behaviors, thoughts and feelings are often characterized by certain control patterns which are summarized by the "Life Dramas" shown below. You will see the interplay of combinations of the desire of the Id, the reasoning of the Ego and the primitive truths of the Super Ego throughout each Drama type.
Awareness of reactions (yours and others) changes the level of expectations, thus changing the learned beliefs of all parties. For example, "If I do this, then this result happens." Behavior becomes consistent as rewards and punishments. The goal of this phase is to change your reactions in small steps. "If I change this, then another result happens." Changing your reaction is the start to personal empowerment. You now refuse to be a victim of the past which breaks the cycle of old perceptions.
From a psycho-spiritual perspective, the root of control stems from the lack of remembering one's connection to the Universe, one's true being of Unconditional Love. In other words, the pain of subconscious separation from the Source manifests as wanting more energy to make up for what is perceived as missing. One believes the energy come from the "outside". Thus habits are formed and perpetuated into receiving such energy by manipulating control. Tactics for gaining energy will continue until perceptions change.
The spectrum of attachment styles or "Life Dramas" not only range from high to low characteristics due to life circumstances but also directly relates to one's own personal work and spiritual development. For this reason relationships often change when spiritual awareness increases. What "used to work" no longer fulfills the energetic needs of the partner.
Life Drama patterns are viewed as both "functional" and "dysfunctional". Both ends of the spectrum can be utilized for spiritual growth. Being aware of the Life Dramas and Taker Types can lead to a new understanding, which in turn, demonstrates compassion so healing can begin. One can transform old thought forms into newer healthy ones by taking responsibility over the energy of mental, emotional and physical health. The patterns of projected behavior can change. It also should be noted that the more one feels this sense of separation from the Source the more intense the Life Dramas become. Their life force may be perceived as dark and may be what is called a "lost soul" in this lifetime. This is merely their "spiritual lesson" to learn as you have your lessons to learn. Remember, you cannot change anyone but yourself.
Society also influences and parallels the degrees the control is translated into. Behavioral awards of more money, higher job status, better houses, and faster cars are material possessions that become spiritual compensations. This is not to say all achievements are due to a person lacking spiritual qualities. However, material items are noted as being spiritual compensations in some situations. For example, there are many high powered business executives and those in authoritative positions who have achieved "it all" and at some time they have an epiphany of a higher spiritual nature: "Who am I? What is life all about? There is more to me than this." Thus, the spiritual awakening begins.
There are people whose main source of power comes from the energy reactions of those around them. Upon further in depth analysis, some people have adapted dual traits to cope with an energy depletion of one drama style. Some "Energy Takers" have learned that if one form doesn't work, another will. "Energy Takers" continuously create reactions as outlined in the following Life Dramas.
The Enforcer gains control by using physical or verbal force thus obtaining energy by this means. The uses of charm, charisma, sexual attention play a role in convincing the victim of a caring relationship. The person knows key words and phrases along with an attitude of indifference to control others behavior. Displaying emotions and surrendering are considered signs of weakness so manipulating emotions returns the control back to the Enforcer. This person may be deemed a protector and controller. For example: Typical of abusive situations; bullying, spousal, work force tactics, positions of authority. Makes one feel angry, demeaned, fearful and disgusted, distrusting and doubtful as well as protected.
The Criticizer gains control by judging and questioning, being negative, criticizing of actions, circumstances and people. One's negative traits are often projected onto others. Other people react with rejection, shame or anger. Displaying emotions are considered a sign of weakness and or typically not displayed at all. Emotions and actions may become heightened when confronted. For example: A friend, spouse, parent that criticizes your judgment, clothes, and actions all the time. When responding the person may become even more adamant. One may feel helpless, confused, disoriented, breeds lack of self-esteem, belittled.
The Avoider gains control by indirect or evasive communication, not speaking at all, avoiding the situation altogether or playing coy. This person prefers to remain at a distance emotionally and physically often pushing people away. One values independence and/or wants others to no be dependent on them. An addiction to objects and things takes the place of and distracts them from creating healthy relationships and/or lifestyles. For example: A complaining friend that does not want to talk about it after bringing it up. One feels exasperated in communicating and coaxing, may feel anger and hopelessness. Someone who is very withdrawn may have chemical dependencies.
The Complainer gains control by wanting pity from others and complaining of all things in general. There is always something to complain about in the half-empty world. The person likes to dwell in self-pity and has lack of self-esteem. It is all about "poor me". Nothing is adequate in life. Emotions often increase dramatically when attention is given. The Complainer will continually repeat verbal and written woes. The Complainer typically does not have appreciation for others or things. Only the negative side of the coin is seen. For example: Whining all the time about being sick, lack of money, family members never around etc. Wants things done or brings attention to something by complaining. One feels pity for person, comforting, "poor thing" syndrome.
The Pleaser gains control through accolades, gifts or favors in attempting to please everyone or someone. The person may be a perfectionist or domineering because they lack control in other areas of life. Constantly pleasing and doing for others such as: cooking, cleaning, tiptoeing for perfection to the point of self-harm One feels a sense of duty and guilt by "owing" something to them for all they do.
The following dynamics appears to be prevalent in family relationship where habits, patterns and coping skills are learned from childhood. One can trace the life drama(s) backward to parents, grand parents and great grandparents. This dynamic will be explored more in the 6th Wisdom.
Avoiders create Criticizers Criticizers create Avoiders Enforcers create Complainers Complainers create Complainers Pleasers create Pleasers/All Above
The first four Life Dramas are pretty straight forward however, the Pleasers are one of the more complex and mutable of the Life Dramas. They become the submissive figure in a parental relationship and children typically take on the behavior and life drama of the other parent or if they become masters, become Pleasers themselves. Pleasers assure everything is done perfectly with an unhealthy doting of always doing for others at the risk of dis-ease of mental-emotional discomfort of themselves or others. They extend and overindulge others at the expense of themselves. Sometimes they rule their job, house, family in their self-imposed perfection which is inflicted upon others. Pleasers use their deeds and actions as pre-payment of anything that should arise to keep control over others. This drama style is to gain energy through excessive practice of getting others satisfaction and abnormal sense of self imposed perfection.
Examples would be:
"If I don't keep the house spotless, he/she will leave me."
"If the laundry isn't perfect, he/she will leave me."
"If I don't make more money, he/she will leave me."
"I've done everything for you, and you want to leave!"
"If I do all this for him/her, she'll owe me later"
"My house and everything in it is perfect in every way."
You may think on one level this drama style borders on obsessive-compulsive behaviors, however, the defining line is that Pleasers "choose" to do their actions rather than feel compelled to. For the most part medically speaking, there are no brain disorders or neurological or systemic abnormalities in Pleasers as with those diagnosed with OCD. There is an underlying motivation to their actions whether they are conscious of it or not.
Since pleasers over-indulge others due to their always giving attitude, they may be abused by an unequally energetic person who is more dominant which in turn they gain the energy they need by pleasing.
Analyzing Your Place in The Life Dramas:
Now that we have learned some background information of "Takers" and some awareness and diffusion techniques. It's time got get to work and expand on your personal development notebook. Remember to be honest with yourself!
Criticizer Enforcer Avoider Complainer Pleaser
- Which category do you feel you mostly fall under?
- Do you see yourself in a second drama, which one?
- Which category do you feel you least fall under?
- List 5 people you know into the Life Drama categories that you think they fall into.
- With each person using key words ask, Why am I bothered when they do that?
- Parental relationships are mirrored in other in relationships.
- Every situation has a message. Recognize synchronicities.
- Verbal discomfort. What is a told truth that you lived in childhood?
- Ask for help. You don't have to solve the situation alone.